I feel like my husband and I are drifting apart, what can I do?
In long term relationships it’s normal to feel different levels of connection. This is especially common when couples have kids or are going through a big life adjustment (one spouse going back to school etc.,).
In order to get back to a place where you feel connected to your partner it’s important to prioritize quality time together. Deep conversation and new experiences help strengthen bonds.
how to re-Connect with your partner
- Go on a date once a week or more. Research shows that lasting relationships are ones that make time for dates. It doesn’t have to be long or extravagant, but it does need to involve tuning into each other and being together. This could be a walk in the park, going out for coffee, or cuddling up and watching a movie.
The key here is to be present and engaged with your partner. No, kids are not allowed on the date. This can be a tough one for parents, but finding time for just the two of you (or more if you are in a relationship with multiple partners) is important. That being said, it’s ok if all you can manage is a 5-minute cuddle on the couch while the baby is sleeping. The key here is that it needs to be planned, discussed, and followed through with. - Try something new together. Experiences solidify friendships, and the foundation of a good relationship is friendship. Take a pottery class, go to a yoga class, or go walk in a neighborhood that is new to both of you. The key here is to be present (turn those phones off!), and to explore something new together.
- Take time to ask each other meaningful questions and to check in about each other’s hopes and dreams for the future. Ideally, you should be trying to help each other’s dreams come true. Do you know what your partner’s dreams are? Do you know what they are worried about, or what brings them joy these days? Really listen and get curious. Ask questions to make sure you understand what they are saying, how they are feeling, and how you can be there for them.